July 17th – Uh Oh

I think I am starting to get my pre-third round of antibiotic tummy troubles again. Monday I took my last pill. Yesterday I forgot to take my probiotic. Hopefully after taking the probiotic today and tomorrow it will go back to normal.
I cannot keep taking these antibiotics. And I sure as heck do not want to end up on an antibiotic IV like Dad was last year. I needle in my arm to take blood for a minute is traumatizing enough. I cannot imagine a pick-line like Dad had. I nearly passed out last year when Dad showed me his X-ray of his chest with the pick-line.
Matt and I are going to the county fair tomorrow night.
I am excited and nervous.
You see, I uses to be very heavily involved with 4-H in this county when I was a teen. In fact, six years ago I was the county fair queen. There are a lot of memories of the place. And a lot of people I know I have not seen in a long time.
Two people I could run into make me nervous in particular. One is W-e-s (remove the hyphens. They are to keep this post under his radar. More on that later). He was my closest friend in high school. We were in 4-H, camp counselors, Junior Fairboard, and even fair royalty court together. I always had a crush on him. During my rough freshman days in college we started dating.
And then during some of my hardest days, he left me.
After promises of never leaving and always supporting me, he left when I needed him the most.
And for that, I have an awfully hard time forgiving him. In fact, I have recently come into certain information. Information I am possibly planning to use to slightly unnerve him. Of which I unfortunately cannot elaborate on because he has the knowledge to track my online activity. So I will not take the risk of him finding out about it. Hence the hyphens in his name.
The second person who would make me nervous to run into is Paul. We were in band together and used to be regular square dance partners in high school. I had crushes in him as well. I doesn’t most of high school throwing myself at him.
But while I do believe the attraction was mutual (I did ask him to the Prom and he said yes), he never took the bait. Six years ago I got in my car and drove to my freshman orientation in North Carolina. And he let me go without a word.
The last two years at the township dances with Matt I have seen him there. But he has avoided me. And I have refused to go up to him after all of those years of batting my eyelashes in vain.
My most reliable source of news about him comes from Sally. Apparently he has had some rough dating patches like me. He has become very solemn the last few years.
But there is nothing I can or will do. He has had my cell phone number, but never used it.
While I always run the (remote) risk of running into either of these men, the risk are greatly increases by going to the county fair. If I ran into the first one, I do not know if I would run the other way, or run up and punch him. The second one I would pretend to not notice. Unless he came up to purposely talk to me. In which case I would be kind and friendly. And of course introduce him to the love of my life, Matt!
So here is to could-be’s and a good night sleep!

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