Category Archives: Humor

February 3rd – Bad Dreams, Babies, and Wedding Registries

Have you ever had a bad dream that left you in a funk all day? Today was one of those days. Last night I dreamed Matt died.
I was devastated. I woke up crying around three in the morning.
After my workout this morning I made sure to text Matt that I love him. I knew he would be getting into work then.
Matt has barbershop tonight. Originally I had planned to just go home after work and we would see each other tomorrow because he would be getting home closer to eleven tonight and I have a Chamber meeting tomorrow.
In case you have not guessed, I changed my mind and now I am at the Cottage waiting for Matt to come home.
I spent some time tonight researching what you should do before trying to conceive. The advice ranged from the obvious (quit smoking, lose weight) to the silly (visit all of your favorite restaurants and go to the movies!). If you are interested to see what I found simply Google “Before Conception” and read the links found on the first page.
The last few days I have been recovering from my “Cold of the Decade”. I am not exactly sure, but it is getting close to a WEEK since I have kissed Matt. With his job right now I have done everything I can to protect him from catching my cold. So maybe I have another reason to want to wait for Matt to come home tonight!
I bought his Valentine’s Day gift tonight. He will be so surprised and so excited when he sees it! Unfortunately I cannot tell you what I bought because, well, Matt reads this. You will just have to wait honey!
We have both the PA and the OH bridal showers this month. The invites went out last week, making this last weekend the first opportunity for guests to go shopping.
Both my mother and Matt keep telling me to not look at the registries so I will be surprised at the shower.
I look every couple of days.
I picked out these items. The surprise is already gone! And it is not like the registries tell me who bought the items. That will still be a surprise. In fact, three weeks ago someone bought a basket and a bunch of cooking items on my registry. I am super curious to find out who was that proactive about buying shower gifts!
Stores make it so EASY to look. I have the apps for Macy’s, Kohl’s, and Bed Bath and Beyond on my phone and my iPad. Three taps on the screen and I can look at everything on my registries, what has been purchased, and what is still needed.
And it is not like I am going about talking to everyone about the things that have disappeared from the registries. Only Mart knows (and disapproves) that I look.
So here is my question to you.
Is it okay to check up on the registries the few weeks before the showers? Or should I delete the apps and stay away until after the showers?

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April 30th – Progressive Snapshot Program

I still teeter between feeling ticked-off or depressed. I have not been stressing eating this week, which probably has something to do with it. Along with my period, the rain, and stressing over my business.
But today I want to talk about this Progressive Snapshot program. In case you have been living under a rock, it is a program where you allow Progressive Insurance to monitor very specific stats on your driving habits for a potentially reduced insurance rate.
I am on a budget. I need to save money wherever I can. So I signed up.
The Snapshot contraption monitors the following things.
– What time of day you drive
– How many miles you drive
– How long you drive each trip (time)
– Hard breaks
If you avoid driving late at night/very early morning, this helps you. If you drive less than 30 miles a day, this helps you. And avoiding hard breaking as much as possible helps you as well.
Now that may seem rather restrictive, but it is not bad. Here, though, is the list of risky behaviors I am so thankful the Snapshot program does not monitor…
1) How Loud My Music Is
If they knew how loud I can and will blast Ke$ha on my way to church on Sunday mornings my insurance would definitely go up! But lucky for me (and Ke$ha) Progressive does not know!
2) I Sometimes Drive From the Office to Home Without Putting on My Seatbelt
Do you know how far down the road the office is from our driveway? Not even 100 yards. Yes, accidents can and do happen anywhere. Especially within 25 miles of home. I just do not want to fight with my high heels, my dress, my cross-body purse, AND my seatbelt sometimes.
3) How Loud I Scream in the Car
I have road rage. Not the kind where I will follow you to the grocery store and then take out your headlights with a baseball bat. Just the kind where I may scream profanities at the top of my lungs as I describe to Ke$ha how no one knows how to drive except us.
I never had road rage until I went to college. I dare you to spend one day driving around Fayetteville, NC and not let a profanity slip. $20 says it cannot be done.
4) How Long I Make-Out With Matt in the Backseat in Places We Can Get Caught
Matt and I see each other twice a week (generally). A lot of times we have very busy Sundays with little to no time to just enjoy each other’s company. In which case, you best believe we are looking for someplace (private) where I can fully admire his blue eyes, soft lips, and the way his arms wrap around me. And my biggest fear is getting caught. Not that we are doing anything wrong or indecent! But people who may walk by do not know that.
Well, that wraps up my list. After a month on the program I will be saving nearly $200 a year on my car insurance now! So thank you Progressive. Both for the saved cash and for allowing Ke$ha and I to continue our tour.