I feel so tired. I have not slept well lately. Neither has Matt because he is afraid of oversleeping.
I ate more than I should today. I kept going to the kitchen to look for food while I was working on the first aide online class. My weight took a big leap in the wrong direction this week.
I feel awful. I have become very upset with my weight and how I feel. And the more I struggle the worse it gets. I do not know what to do anymore.
I try to walk the driveway whenever possible. I also try walking when I play, but usually I am playing either in the league and want to socialize with the other women more (yes, riding in a cart with someone makes a difference), or have limited time and need to play quickly.
I get derailed when Heather bakes cookies and brings them to work. Mom makes pies. Dad decides to send Heather out to get lunch for the office. Everything pops up unexpectedly and I want to be able to participate and feel a part of the group.
I tried Nutrisystem last summer. Many of the meals I did not enjoy or quickly became sick of eating all the time. I still have boxes of the stuff.
I do not know what to do. I am really really upset with myself. Especially because 18 months ago I had worked so hard and nearly reached my ideal weight. Now I have gained forty of those pounds back. Forty of the sixty I had lost over the course of just over a year.
I feel like I do not want to allow myself to eat tomorrow. And that is bad. Very bad. That is self-destructive behavior I have not done since early 2011.
And that is what scares me tonight.
The Girl with the Golf Clubs 
Try eating lots of little meals it works for me. I never felt deprived. And it’s south healrhier than not eating (whichever doc said can make u gain weight)
When I has lost my fifty pounds it was using this method. Unfortunately, when I had moved back home and started working in the family business (I.e. Became less busy and subject to my family’s three square meals) that the weight started to come back on.
Still I think that is the step I need to take! Thank you!